Not that I really need to confess this, because you already know: I’ve been a terrible blogger lately. TURRIBLE, I tell you! But you know what? It’s kind of okay, because I’ve been doing much better at everything else.
What have I been up to these days? Not a whole heck of a lot. But you know what? That’s kind of okay, too, because I was mentally exhausted and I needed to sleep, eat well, work out, spend time with my family, hang with my friends, stay off the computer, and read magazines.
I heard you gasp. Yes, I said it. I’M READING MAGAZINES. And guess what, some of them are downright trashy, filled with photos of celebrities and articles about hair and makeup and fashion. I know, right? I’m reading stuff that will in no way make me a better writer, and – gasp! – the world didn’t end!
I’m doing the exact opposite of everything I did in 2011. And 2010. And 2009. And 2008. Because for the last four years, all I really did was write, read novels, write, Facebook, write, blog, write, tweet, write, read more novels, write, and write some more. I did not sleep that well. I did not eat that well. I did not work out much. I hardly spent any time with family or friends (granted, most of them were in another country). Everything I did centered around writing, and getting published, and STAYING PUBLISHED.
Which is what I had to do. For me to get here (debut novel out, sequel on the way), I had to make writing my entire life. And I don’t regret it. But now, the balance isn’t working quite as well as it used to.
So it’s time to rebalance.
Staying published is still at the top of the agenda, of course. All is good with the writing part of my life.
Key word being “part”. It can’t be my whole life. To be happy, I need more.
I read this on someone’s Facebook the other week, and it really resonated with me:
Numbers one and three, I feel good about. But number two? How much is too much? It became too much for me when writing became more than a full-time job. Because even when I wasn’t writing, I was thinking about writing. I never shut it off.
I’m learning to how to shut it off now. I don’t have to be thinking about it all the time. It’s okay to read magazines once in a while. It’s okay to sleep when I’m tired, and eat when I’m hungry. It’s okay to pay a 22-year-old trainer named Nate to kick my ass in the gym three days a week (for laughs, follow my gym adventures on Twitter). It’s okay to not force myself to blog or Facebook or tweet if I have nothing interesting to say, or am just not in the mood to be social.
It’s okay to do what feels right, right now.
In the end, it will make me a better person. Which will make me a better writer.
What about you? Are you happy with your career/life balance? Would you add anything to the list above?
I really needed this post right now. So glad you're getting a new groove going. 🙂
I'm glad you're finding a new balance.
I am happy with my career, but I think I need to do a bit more #2 as well. It's all about writing and the like (even during my day job), so it would be good to find some balance to it all. 🙂
I have a really hard time with balance. I tend to throw myself 90% at one thing and try to spread the other 10% around, which never covers everything leaving me completely stressed out and feeling horrible. But I'm trying. It's all about recognizing it and refocusing myself. In theory. It sounded really good, didn't it?
Being obsessed while you're trying to reach a goal is one thing. Being obsessed just for the sake of the obsession isn't healthy. I'm glad you're doing all those other things to balance your life out. We all need a break every once in a while.
I haven't been blogging much lately because I'm dealing with some health issues (what else is new?). If you don't have your health, you don't have much. BELIEVE ME! So I'm taking the time to make it better so I can be a better blogger. Well, not exactly but it'll help. I hope. : P
In November, I'll be 70 years young (well, the body will be 70, the brain is still in my 40's(?). I've learned that you MUST love what you are doing. So to #1, I'd say not just a good "fit", but a true "love" of what you do. Loved CREEP. Looking forward to FREAK! Live, Love, and never stop laughing!!
Pat
This is great. I can see how it would be hard to shut off such an awesome career as writing. (hopefully I can find out one day! lol) But good luck finding your balance! It sounds like you're already well on your way!
Glad to see you blog again, Jennifer!
Hey Jennifer! Good to see you here.
Between my second book's recent launch and this A to Z Challenge, I'm a bit off kilter right now. I knew that going in though. Come May, I'll pull back a bit because I still have one more book to write.
Because nothing in excess is ever good for you.
You are a genius. No breaking news, there.ha So glad you did this and encouraging others to do the same! I need to rebalance myself because I stretch 'me' too thin most of the time. What is this thing 'sleep'?
I want to start bike riding again. And there is never enough time to write! I need like 10 more hours in each day. But on a happy note, I think I am going to be querying again very soon…yeah, I said happy. Call me crazy, but even a rejection makes me feel all writery.ha
Now I am off to fantasize about 22 year old trainers named Nate…
I'm in the exact same place in my life right now. I've overwhelmed myself and am doing my best to slow down and live. Thank you for this inspiration!
Yup, I haven't been blogging much lately for pretty much the same reasons as yourself, Jen. And I have to say, you sound like you've got your head in the right place. That's wonderful that you're spending some time readjusting and finding that true balance in your life.
And my god, SLEEP! YES!!! Getting enough sleep makes all the difference in the world, doesn't it? 🙂
I'm definitely happy with my balance between teaching and home life because I love both. And I'm all for reading trashy magazines–especially in the bath tub!
Rebalancing is a good thing. I think I've been in your shoes for a while–just ovewhelmed with the writing and the writing and the social media stuff. Things finally caught up to me. I think I'll be blogging a little less, so I can refind that balance.
Nothing wrong with righting the ship. It allows you to surge forward when necessary knowing that a rest is on the horizon.
And yes, I am happy with the current balance–though it fluctuates suddenly sometimes.
Oh man, I totally get this, and I'm only part way there. But too much of one thing, no matter how good, is not a good thing. I have a lot of work ahead of me to get where you are, but I'll take your advice. I have missed you though. I'm glad you'll be still be popping in to give us an update every once in a while. Can't wait to get a little relaxing time in with you later this year.
I've been off kilter myself recently, trying to figure out balance without driving myself or my family crazy. I think sometimes you have to go back to the simplest things–eating, sleeping, watching the pecs of a 22year old trainer as he teaches you to lift weights–to fully embrace the bigger milestones.
I'm totally OFF balance and have been for the past few months. A lot of it has to do with my present job, my stresses, etc. My writing is suffering because of this off balance. I've been working a lot more on trying to remedy my situation but I'm still not "there" yet. It's so tangible though, that I can feel it and I ache for it, so much so, that it hurts. Really. -I think you're approach to your new found success and your decompressing is exactly what you need. Be good to yourself, first, always. And yeah, my trainer is not 22, he's 20! And he owns me twice a week. So I feel your pain! 🙂
You definitely deserved to take some time off after all your hard work! I am still working on the balance thing, but it's starting to work out. I think. 😀
I'm still working on the 4 year plan. I NEED a 22 yr.old guy named Nate to kick my ass in the gym. But I keep telling myself, that once I get the next book out, I can slow down. I can breathe and paint my nails, and read cheap magazines and eat Chinese for days on end if I want. So I should get off the blogs and finish that book.
Glad to see you around again.
I also disagree with #2, "Not do to much of it." It probably refers to jobs that suck the life out of what's important. I believe writers should do the opposite. Regardless of talent, it's hard work that achieves dreams. We're writers because we're masochistic crazy people. Working out with Satan's minion proves my point. 🙂
Rebalancing is the perfect term. I put my blog down for a nap recently in order to reorganize my time, so I understand a lapse in posts. And as a loyal fan, I prefer you do whatever it takes to stay published. Damn selfish of me, isn't it?
I loved Anon's advice, I often give it myself: Never stop laughing.
Hi! I wondered where you'd gotten to. Sounds like you needed time away and I don't blame you. You've had a busy few years. Personally, I think I need to shift my balance back to working more and working harder. I've been slacking off so far this year and I'm finally at a place where the slacking is getting to me. =o)
I think I am fine on 2 and 3, but 1 has me around the neck and is slowly choking the life out of me. Just hoping I can move around to different positions enough to keep the job fresh and make it to retirement.
Good post. My current book is kicking my arse and my current plan of kicking back isn't going as well as I'd hoped. I need to take a few breaths…and then beat the shit out of it 🙂 I mean, I need to re-focus.
Wish you were feeling better, So Cal! Sending you good vibes.
Thanks Pat! And that's such great advice.
Glad it helped, Alex. Life must be crazy for you right now!
The balance is constantly shifting, isn't it? Thanks Cherie.
I'm 90/10, too! Or sometimes 99/1!
Yes, in theory, this is all fixable… 🙂
You will find out one day! I have no doubt!
Thanks, Ben 🙂
No truer words, Alex.
Yay, you're going to start querying again! And I get to cheer you on. 🙂
Btw, I'm telling Nate what you said.
Aw, thanks Heather! Hope you get to slow down soon.
Thanks, David. I've been sleeping 9 to 10 hours a night every night for the past month, and you know what? I feel SO MUCH BETTER. 🙂
Oooh yes, trashy mags + bath tub = heaven.
Good for you, Lydia. Nothing wrong with needing a recharge, especially since your posts require research, too! Which makes them even more work for you. (But they're so good!)
I should take life balance lessons from you! Thanks Slam.
Me too! October is coming up fast!
I never look at his pecs.
Never.
Ever.
20! That's even worse! 🙂 Thank you for feeling my pain – we'll get through it together!
Thanks, Kyra. The downtime was good. Glad you're finding your balance.
Thanks Anne. I'm learning it's important to make time to paint our nails and read trashy mags and eat Chinese. I will probably do exactly that tonight!
Hard work, yes. Satan's minion, yes. Laughter, yes. It all has to be part of that life balance thing. Sigh.
And you're not selfish, you're a great friend. So there.
I get like that too when I take a little too much slack time. 🙂 It makes me antsy!
That sucks, Budd. Hope you can change it up, too. Otherwise the days are long – too long.
Sometimes beating the shit out of it is all you can do. You need someone to hold it down while you do that, let me know. 🙂
Striking a good work life balance is key but hard to do. Right now I'm doing what I love, just need to figure out a way to get paid for it.! :o)
I am very proud of you! it's not easy to step back and re boot…it takes courage! and is very important…. Good for you!
P.s. personal trainers are awesome! just got one myself. 🙂
I've missed you. I'm glad you're keeping busy doing both productive and non-productive things, but we need you here in the blogosphere. 🙂
Welcome back! 🙂
Am I happy with my balance right now? No, not really. Can I afford to back off? Afraid not. :/
You've been missed, but I'm so glad you're finding balance! To quote Fight Club, you are not your job. Also, between you and another super inspiring lady, I totally want a personal trainer now. Argh.
LOVE this post! I recently handed my manuscript off to beta readers and spent the next couple of weeks doing nothing productive. I made myself feel guilty because I didn't feel like tackling other things on my Writerly To Do list. I just wanted to take a break and watch multiple episodes of Felicity in bed! You're right that you have to have some down time and balance the hard work with rest and time off with loved ones. I hope you're enjoying this time!
Yeah, I suck at balance. Yeah.
lol
I like your new approach. Balance is something I struggle with myself, and I'm sure most writers and wanna-be-authors can totally relate. Now I'm off to the gym… =]
Thanks for sharing, Jennifer. I really needed to read this post.
I put off writing for family, career and my own lack of maturity. Got back into it and finished my book before 40 and saw it published, and have been working too hard trying to do everything ever since. I have an 11 hour day job where I supervise 120 employees. I live on my iPhone while at work and then my laptop when I'm home. My wife and teenage sons allow me the space, but there's never enough time to do everything. *sigh*
-Jimmy