Mom: So I read your blog yesterday. I liked your top ten list. You used ‘bum-fuck’ in your book?
Me: Uh, yeah.
Mom: You know, I had coffee with your uncle before we left for Florida. He wanted to know what your book was about. I told him. He wants to know why you write stuff like this.
Me: I… well, what did you tell him?
Mom: I told him I don’t know.
Me: That’s probably a good answer.
Mom: So listen, what is cameltoe?
Me: (momentary silence) You don’t know what cameltoe is?
Mom: No. But thanks to your blog, I do know it’s one word.
Me: It’s when… it’s when a woman is wearing a pair of really tight jeans, and you can see… you know, you can see… she has… you can see the outline of her… of her labia.
Mom: The outline of her what?
Me: Her labia. Her… you know, crotch.
Mom: Oh. (another momentary silence) That’s really in your book?
Me: Yeah.
Mom: Oh. (silence number three) Why do you write stuff like this?
Me: I don’t know.
Mom: That’s probably a good answer.
Nothing is more awesome than having to explain to your mother what cameltoe is. Really. Nothing.
Blushing on your behalf.
THIS. IS. TOO. HILARIOUS.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing the awkwardness.
Soooo…is there any risk that she might ever read your book?
aaahhaha that's hillarious. I snorted out loud, and got some strange looks…
this is why I just don't tell my mum what I'm writing about :p
What's awesome is she cares enough to ask in the first place…and that she reads your blog. 🙂
I agree with DL. could you have that same conversation with MY mother.
(I didn't know what cameltoe was either. We used to call it a split P.)
What's worse? When your daughter tells you you've got a cameltoe. EEEEEEEK! Didn't know that term either. Now I do, and I do check the mirror before I leave the house.
Ha ha, that's hilarious!!
LMAO God, I miss my mom. We would have had similar conversations about my novels. I don't think I could have said "labia", though. You get mad props for that one.
Bwahahahaha! That is the funniest thing I have read yet today. Awesome. It's really sweet that your mom reads your blog though! Awe…
LOL, that is freakin' hilarious! I have had some crazy conversations with my mother. She is older and very religous so its really easy to shock her! Has a great sense of humor though.
I have no comment other than hysterical laughing.
Botanist – Oh, she'll read it, all right! She reads everything I write (and she's always my biggest fan, despite what I write!)
Em – OH TOO FUNNY, girl. At least she told you. She could have let you walk around with it just to see what would happen.
Anne – Split P? Bwahahaha!
Joann – I'm amazed I explained it that way, too, hahaha. I realized pretty quick there's no easy way to explain it. 🙂
I keep some cyanide capsules on hand just in case my mom ever asks me about stuff like that.
LOL. That's so funny that she asked that–some things are just, well, kind of hard to explain . . .
OMG! What a conversation.
BWAAAAAAAH! That is hilarious! My mom is always telling me, "Be careful what you write on your blog. You know so and so reads it." I tell her that she shouldn't be emailing the link to all her friends and our relatives if she thinks they might not like what they read!
Ah, yeah. I'm not looking forward to those conversations.
At least I took out the intentionally overwrought threat line, "…And then I'm gonna fuck your your mom in the ass with a stovepipe."
Glad I won't have to talk about that.
Yeah.
Your poor mom!
Poor you!
ROFL… sorry… I can almost imagine having the same conversation with my mother. And I can imagine being a little horrified trying to explain to Mom what cameltoe is.
too funny. I don't think my moms knows what cameltoe is either and I sure don't want to have to explain it.
So much fun! I can imagine having the same exact conversation with my mom too! 🙂
ROTFL! STILL! Wow, that made me laugh so hard! It's hard to explain a writer's mind to a non-writer, especially one you're related to!
HA! Your mom is too cute.
I love that you worked cameltoe, bum-fuck and labia into one little, innocent post. 🙂
Happy weekend,
Lola
OMG…I"M seriously LMFAO. that is friggin' awesome! I was totally picturing your faces as I read that. hahahahahaha