Mom:  So I read your blog yesterday.  I liked your top ten list.  You used ‘bum-fuck’ in your book?

Me:  Uh, yeah.

Mom:  You know, I had coffee with your uncle before we left for Florida.  He wanted to know what your book was about.  I told him.  He wants to know why you write stuff like this.

Me:  I… well, what did you tell him?

Mom:  I told him I don’t know.

Me:  That’s probably a good answer.

Mom:  So listen, what is cameltoe?

Me:  (momentary silence)  You don’t know what cameltoe is?

Mom:  No.  But thanks to your blog, I do know it’s one word.

Me:  It’s when… it’s when a woman is wearing a pair of really tight jeans, and you can see… you know, you can see… she has… you can see the outline of her… of her labia.

Mom:  The outline of her what?

Me:  Her labia.  Her… you know, crotch.

Mom:  Oh.  (another momentary silence)  That’s really in your book?

Me:  Yeah.

Mom:  Oh.  (silence number three)  Why do you write stuff like this?

Me:  I don’t know.

Mom:  That’s probably a good answer.

Nothing is more awesome than having to explain to your mother what cameltoe is.  Really.  Nothing.