Mom: So I read your blog yesterday. I liked your top ten list. You used ‘bum-fuck’ in your book?
Me: Uh, yeah.
Mom: You know, I had coffee with your uncle before we left for Florida. He wanted to know what your book was about. I told him. He wants to know why you write stuff like this.
Me: I… well, what did you tell him?
Mom: I told him I don’t know.
Me: That’s probably a good answer.
Mom: So listen, what is cameltoe?
Me: (momentary silence) You don’t know what cameltoe is?
Mom: No. But thanks to your blog, I do know it’s one word.
Me: It’s when… it’s when a woman is wearing a pair of really tight jeans, and you can see… you know, you can see… she has… you can see the outline of her… of her labia.
Mom: The outline of her what?
Me: Her labia. Her… you know, crotch.
Mom: Oh. (another momentary silence) That’s really in your book?
Mom: Oh. (silence number three) Why do you write stuff like this?
Me: I don’t know.
Mom: That’s probably a good answer.
Nothing is more awesome than having to explain to your mother what cameltoe is. Really. Nothing.