I’ve had a personal profile on Facebook since February 2007, and after seven years in this relationship, I’m seriously wondering if it’s still for me. More and more, I’m finding it’s becoming a love/hate relationship.
I get that people can and should use Facebook however they want, and I respect that. So the things I’m quibbling about are very specific to me, and things I’m personally not crazy about as a Facebook user with a personal profile (this does not refer to having an author or business page). You may or may not agree.
Things I hate about Facebook:
The same 30 people on my friends list (out of 600) are the ones who post every day.
And because they post so much – multiple times a day, for some of them – it drowns out the people who only post once in awhile, who are usually the people I’d love to catch up with. I know every minute detail of those same 30 people’s lives… and I wish I could care, but I can’t, because I’ve become desensitized.
People who use Facebook like it’s Twitter.
There are folks who put out rapid-fire status updates every hour, and sometimes every few minutes. They do this while watching sports, or a TV show, or a movie. Or they post every detail of how their day is going, and how they feel about it. On Facebook, this is a drag, because everyone else gets buried, and so when I log in all I see is a page full of this person and nobody else.
You know what’s great for rapid-fire status updates? Twitter. IT’S SPECIFICALLY WHAT TWITTER IS FOR.
People who VagueBook.
Example of a VagueBook status update: “I’m having a horrible day.”
Multiple comments: “Oh no! Are you ok? What’s going on?”
Initial poster: “I don’t want to talk about it.”
THEN DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. AT ALL.
People who complain ALL THE TIME.
You know how you avoid that person in real life who never has anything positive to say? Same goes for Facebook. Yes, life is hard and some days it downright sucks. But when all you do is complain about your neighbor, and the gas station clerk, and the server at the restaurant, and the person who cuts your hair, and your shitty day, over and over again… maybe the problem is you. And nobody likes someone who’s toxic. Chances are, I’ve hidden you.
People who announce, “I’ve just cleaned out my Friends list and so if you can see this status, you’re still here! Congratulations!”
Believe it or not, I have seen this status more times than I can count on both hands and feet. It’s obnoxious. And mean.
You know what I do when I see that? I quietly unfriend you. So that during the next clean-out, you don’t have to stress about whether to keep me or not.
People who flood your News Feed with promotional stuff.
Look, I get it. As writers, we all have stuff we need to promote, and Facebook is a great tool for that. Some promotion on a personal profile is fine, especially when there’s something big to share.
But you know what happens when you use your personal profile to promote your books every day? When all you do is post quotes from Amazon or Goodreads reviews constantly? When the majority of what you talk about is your books, and not yourself, and therefore I feel like I’m constantly being spammed to buy something I likely already bought because we’re Facebook friends?
I HIDE YOU.
That’s why you see the same five people “liking” your posts, and only those same five people. The rest of us don’t even see you because we hid you two years ago.
You know what’s great on Facebook for constant promotion? An author page! Then people who aren’t even your Facebook friends can Like you, and you can promote your stuff all you want, and that’s cool because that’s what an author page is for. Everybody’s happy.
But hey. Facebook isn’t all bad. There are lot of things I enjoy about Facebook, that keep me coming back.
Things I love about Facebook:
Photos.
I love seeing pictures of your kids and your dog, and of the awesome vacation you took. I even like your food porn.
Personal observations.
I love hearing about your real-life conversations, life lessons, things that make you laugh, things that scare you. I love authenticity.
Meaningful discussion.
Politics, current events, books, TV shows, movies, food. Bring it. I don’t always participate, but I love reading the exchange of ideas.
Check-ins.
The better to stalk you with.
Relationship status updates.
Because who doesn’t want to know who’s doing it with whom?
Links to news and interesting articles.
I follow my publisher, CNN, the National Post, the Seahawks, and Stephen King, among other pages, and there’s no easier way to keep up with the stuff that interests me than to be on Facebook.
Announcements.
I love it when something good happens to you, whether it be a book deal, or your sister had a baby, or you’ve hit your weight loss goal of 50 lbs. That’s great news, and I love being able to hit the Like button and congratulate you.
I can also appreciate the ease of announcing something bad on Facebook. It can be hard to tell people something one-on-one, and maybe you have don’t have the energy or the time to call people individually. Whether your sick dog just died, or you had a rough day at work and need to talk about it, that’s cool. I’m here for you.
What do you love and hate about Facebook?
Facebook definitely is a love-hate relationship. Part of the reason we see the same people every day is because Facebook has decided who we can see, instead of having us see everyone we follow. It's the same with pages. Facebook has decided only like 6% of people who've liked our page can actually see it. It's crazy.
I've hid a few Facebook people because they use it more like Twitter and were clogging my feed.
As for the Friends' list cleaners, what's worse are the ones who post a message, "If you still want to be my friend here, let me know." It's just sounds like people are begging for people to like their status or connect to them.
I like most keeping up with people. I find a lot more use out of groups than pages lately too.
I like that I'm not on it! I know, everyone is on Facebook, but blogging and Twitter is all I can handle.
I wouldn't ever unfriend you.
Wow, 6%! I had no idea.
Keeping up with people is the best part, I agree.
You nailed it! So true…it's like me talking through you. Well said.
I like that you can make lists so that if you only want to see what your family is doing, you can go to a list for them and just see that. I hate that FB doesn't let me see everything I want to see when I want to see it – which, for me, is in timestamp order from new to old updates.
Never seen anyone do the whole 'if you still want to be my friend, say so' thing. Or maybe I did see it but ignored it as unimportant. I do that a lot. Sometimes I scan down reading the most important things and then go back to read other stuff when I have time – and sometimes I go back to read other stuff and FB has moved it on me. I hate that.
All in all, though, I prefer FB to Twitter. It's more relaxed. The rapidfire nature of Twitter boggles me.
I agree with the "loves" you've listed, and most of the "hates", but I would like to add a hate:
I will hide you if you use your Facebook page for heavy political campaigning. Some… no… MOST of that stuff is way harsher than it needs to be to make its point. There's no need to be so mean.
I totally agree with your list. ESPECIALLY the people who do nothing but promote their stuff. That drives me crazy.
Thankfully I was a little too old to buy into the whole FB thing so although I'm there, it's rarely. I blog, and occasionally tweet. I try to spend the rest of my time writing, er, well, most of it 🙂
I love that I don't use it.:)
I love that I get to interact with readers and see them as people. I hate that FB is ALWAYS changing. (I loved seeing your wedding photos!)
I am with you on the dislikes about FB, Jennifer; especially the petty fighting and constant complaining. I have an account but never use it anymore–it just was not a good investment of my limited time.
I am glad that you still have some positives in your experience…
I feel pretty much the way you do, Jennifer. Add in this dislike–the way they change up some of the interfaces and settings so you have to periodically wade through things and reset stuff the way you want.
I'm hot/cold on FB, more cold than hot most of the time.
Ok, ok, I'll stop posting every five minutes! Sheesh! -haha! I have a love-hate relationship with FB too. I love that I can connect with long lost friends and families. I love the instant way we learn good or bad news. I love the play by play commentaries that takes place during football season.or the any major awards show. I hate Vague-bookers, complainers, whiners, (and by whiners I'm not talking about WINE) heh. I hate depressing-woe is me people, I hate people who think they are on Twitter and feel the need to post every single second of their lives and what they do, every day. Ugh. I can go on and on but I won't. You're welcome. 🙂
Pretty much how I feel about Facebook. Nice to see the big stuff that people are up to or read something funny. I'm not so keen to read the tiny details of their lives or how many times in the last hour their baby has blinked or (and this is the big one for me) where they are at that precise moment and who they're with. I LOATHE that. If you're in a group or even with just one other person, and you go on Facebook to tell everyone who isn't there where you are, you're not 'with' that person, are you? You're talking to everyone else. Gah.
And as the Vaguebook thing…I know a couple of people who do this all the time. They might as well put 'please give me some attention' as their status. Double gah.
This is why I avoided joining facebook. Too much. Just too much.
mood
Moody Writing
Yes! Facebook perpetuates that by only showing us newsfeed items from people we interact with most often. I believe we opted in to everyone's updates when we friended them. Who are they to screen it? (That's the job of my 'hide' button!) Geesh.
And I'm so with you on the vague status updates. Whenever I see those, I want to warn that person's friends. "STOP. IT'S A TRAP!" Haha 🙂
Thanks for sharing this. All good points. I really try to refrain from using my personal page for anything other than personal stuff. If it wasn't for obstacles Facebook uses, I wold never use that page for anything else. Unfortunately I feel forced to post some writing tidbit every so often to get any attention. *sigh*
Take care, Jennifer and have a great week!
-Jimmy
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