So it goes without saying that I haven’t been here a lot lately (understatement of the century – this will only be my seventh post this year, which is just pitiful). While I do have valid reasons (blah blah blah), we all know that I’ve been completely neglecting my blog, and that’s just sad.
And what’s even worse is that when I have blogged, it’s all been promotional stuff. It’s been “Hey, look at my new cover!” (yesterday’s post), and “Hey, we’re having a contest!” (the post before that), and “Hey, look at this website I agreed to help promote!” (the post before that). (And notice how this paragraph is complete with all the appropriate links to said posts.)
I have become that writer. That writer who once blogged about interesting stuff, but now only blogs when she has something to promote and who only posts updates when there’s something cool and book-related to share. And you know what? It’s frigging boring and lame, and I know it, and I hate writers who do that. And now I do that. What the hell happened?
Well, I know exactly what happened, so I’ll tell you.
The obvious reason is that I got sort of busy. Between traveling (seven trips this year), writing a new book (THE BUTCHER is written and currently at the copy edit stage), a divorce, a surgery, a death, and a beautiful new relationship, it’s been kind of a crazy time. Something was bound to fall by the wayside, and that was the blog.
| A picture of me taking a picture, on one of my many trips. |
Another reason is that for a while – for like a whole year, actually – my personal life was a mess. And since I was so used to talking about personal things here, I opted not to blog, because did you really want to read about how my twenty-year relationship was ending in the most painful way possible? Did you want to know about how the entire vision I had for my life was totally shattered because the guy I married turned out to be someone I didn’t recognize, and as a result I had to move and start my life totally over, completely alone? Well, then again, maybe you did – because stuff like that is gossipy and interesting – but I sure as shit didn’t want to go into detail about it here.
But the biggest reason was that my voice here on the blog became totally diluted. Not right away, but little by little, over a period of time. Like a lot of writers who are aspiring to be published or who are newly published, I started to become very careful about what I said online. I filtered. I censored. Which is what we’re told to do, because we don’t want to risk offending anyone. We don’t want to turn off potential agents or editors or readers. I stopped using the word “fuck” (which is practically my favorite word – it’s just so versatile!) because a reader once told me she would have liked my book better if I hadn’t used so much profanity (and yet she didn’t mind the sex or violence one bit).
And the more I censored, the more blogging felt like a chore. Twitter doesn’t feel like a chore. Facebook doesn’t feel like a chore. I’m totally comfortable talking on both of those social media outlets. I’m fine with showing you little snippets of what I want you to see, as is everyone else who Facebooks or tweets. Doesn’t your life look totally awesome on Facebook? I know mine does, and that’s kind of what Facebook is for, and I’m cool with that, and you probably are, too. Because they’re marketing tools. We’re all selling something, whether it’s books, or how happy/amazing/interesting we want you to think our lives are.
| Me last Halloween, dressed as a gypsy (though I think I looked more like a flamenco dancer), about to leave for a party. See how happy/amazing/interesting my life is? |
But the blog was supposed to be different. The blog was supposed to be the one place where I could get real, and be authentically me, where I could talk about my life and my journey. Somewhere along the way, that just evaporated. There were too many things I wasn’t “allowed” to say, and eventually the blog was just one more social media thing I had to manage, and it felt like work. But there was a time when it didn’t used to feel that way, before the filtering, before I was published, before I had a “reputation” to be concerned about.
And I miss that.
So I’ve decided to get back to being me here. The real me… or, at least, as much as the real me I can be without torpedoing my career (because I do love my job and it would be tragic if I did anything to fuck that up). I’d like to get back to doing what I love to do.
Which is write about stuff. And swear occasionally.
Cool?
Saw the other post go live, so I confess I read it as well.
Be you, Jennifer! Won't offend me. Not like I haven't ever said that word in my life.
There is a balance and not wanting to offend, especially once you know a lot more people are reading and looking for you. But you can still be you. And that's probably the best thing – be true to you. Because if you're not and blogging isn't fun anymore, then why bother?
Go for it. I've missed you here!
I'm glad you saw it, because I meant to go back and edit it (to add pictures) and I deleted it by accident! There should be a "Trash" bin on Blogger for dummies like me who do that. I had to rewrite the whole thing. Thanks Alex! 🙂 I do miss it here.
I love you Jennifer. I think everyone that has journeyed with you, or through you, knows you pretty well. You're one of the kindest girls I've ever met, and any new fan you pick up along the will be thrilled to discover the woman that is writing their favorite thrillers, is such an amazingly sweet person.
I'm sure that after a few movie deals, you'll turn into a bitch and have an intern, that you won't pay, write this blog for you. Until then, I fucking love you!
; )
Fuck yeah!
Nice to have you back. 🙂
Heather
Curse away! You could be the female version of Chuck Wendig. 😉
Welcome back! <3
Fuck yeah!
YES! Be you! You're awesome and people love reading genuine awesome fucking people! (I fucking love the word fuck too btfuckingw… It's like "like" in my general conversation when I'm not at work. Yay fuck!) ANNNNYWAY. I'm so sorry to hear about all your hardships. I knew you were going through stuff but not what and I hate buttinskeeing and so I'm just sorry for all your hard year. But you seem to be doing amazingly well now and so YAY! <3 I've missed your blog and now I will hug your blog for coming back! *hug*
I love you too, Charlie. We've been through some shit, haven't we. 🙂
Totally cool with me. I hate that writers all have to be so plastic online for fear of offending someone and screwing our careers. (Which I probably already did at some point anyway, so why I bother is beyond me.) Be yourself, Jennifer. I know I'll still be buying your books. =o)
I'm so sorry 2013 was a rough year for you. :hugs: And I'm so glad you're in a good relationship now. Go you! Here's to an awesome 2014!
Welcome back babe. You're a stronger, more confident woman and know yourself better than you ever did before. You know I never swear, but I loved this post so much that all I have to say is, fuck yeah!!!
Welcome back, Jennifer. You don't need to apologize for blogging or not blogging or what you choose to blog about. I hate it when all writers blog about is their writing and promoting etc. I want to hear the person behind the cover, not the sanitized self-promoter. And if anyone doesn't like it…fuck 'em!
They were very similar, but this one ended on a more positive note. Be yourself. I'm just me on my blog, geek and all.
I can completely relate. While my personal stuff wasn't as upheavaling as yours, it's hard to blog when you've got heavy duty stuff on your mind–a blog seems so unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
Hope things are better for you now, and it's nice to see you back.
As someone who knows where you've been, how you got there & where you're now going, as well as an author who writes & promotes, I totally get it. I'm a lucky one who got to have a little piece of you here & there along the way. But this year, it's gonna be a big one for you & I & all of your friends & fans will join you in celebrating every success, of which I know there will be many. It's YOUR year, let's party!
Oh my gosh, yes, this. The entire time I was reading, I was nodding my head, going "Yes! This is exactly what happened to me!" I totally and completely understand where you're coming from. Yay for you moving past it and getting back to being real! That is awesome and exciting and fabulous. Someday I'll get back there too. (I hope.)
Yay!!! It's about FUCKING time!!! lol I miss your writing on this blog. I love your books, but I miss your blog. Life happens, everyone deals with what we are given in our own way. You look so happy now when I see you on Facebook. I like that Jennifer. You're still my inspiration and someone I admire and hope to follow in your writing footsteps. 🙂
Welcome back.
Ah, my twin across the border! 🙂
At least, that's what it felt like sometimes with how similar our shitty personal lives have been over the past year. And then how much better they became/are becoming. I'm so glad to see you back! It's been too long, my friend.
And, yeah, blog about whatever you want. Personal stuff, deep stuff, silly stuff, PR stuff. You have plenty of people here who are deeply interested in anything you want to say, and as you can see . . . we haven't gone anywhere in all this time!
Also, that "gypsy" pic — va, va, va, VOOM! 😉
Be YOU, Jennifer! Whatever the vocabulary may be. I find I censor the books I read and films I watch more carefully these days. Not for "bad" language or sexual content, but for violence. I worry about people who create intensely violent stuff. Me, I try to avoid adding any violence to the mix, because I don't want it in my head. But good sex (especilly if it's funny) makes the world feel joy. How can that be bad?
Good post, Jenny, and good to have you back. (Swearing is always cool).
Welcome back! I'm so happy you're going to be blogging again. I've always loved your posts and honesty (and who cares about the word fuck?!) I'm sorry you've had such an intense year but yay for a new book coming out and a new relationship!
I feel like I'm a little diluted on my blog too. I've kept up with blogging this year, but I haven't been as open with my feelings about querying/writing because like you said, you want to present yourself in a certain way when you're trying to get published. It can be hard, but I still enjoy the blogging community.
So glad you're blogging again! You have been missed!
Sometimes life needs a little extra attention… and my blog/social media is usually the first thing to go too.
Welcome back! 😀
Thanks, girl! And you can buttinskee all you want.
Thanks guys! Means a lot that you popped in to read this. It's not like I've earned it lately. But 2014 is a fresh year with no mistakes in it. 🙂
I have missed you! I still can't post on my blog because of my divorce. It sucks. I'd give anything to not care and just be myself and write what I want, but it's not me I have to worry about. It's the two cute gremlins and what's at stake for them. So, yeah. Starting over sucks. Having you return triumphantly and be unabashedly YOU and a beautiful role model for other women writers/creatives makes it suck so much less!!! Hope your 2014 completely ROCKS (and I am looking forward to following the gossip!) 🙂
So glad to have you back, Jen! Always love reading your blog. I know what you mean about crappy times. It's one of the reasons I haven't blogged for ages…It's hard to put up a front of bravado and normalcy when things are just going horribly. And yes, blogging can be a chore, especially in diffficutl times. Pretending to be cheerful and upbeat when writing blog posts are a lot of workbecause you don't feel that joy inside.
So my dear, wishing you an awesome Christmas and a wonderful 2014 for all of us.
D
You are the realist person I know. And I have a hard time trusting anyone who doesn't say the word 'fuck' occasionally. Or often (like me.ha).
I'm so glad for this post. I've really missed your blog. I know I see you on Facebook, but it's just not the same.
Don't worry about being yourself! There are so many people who pretend to be other people in order to not offend others.
http://www.modernworld4.blogspot.com
It's definitely cool with me! After all, if people get offended by the word 'fuck,' then they aren't probably your audience anyway. 🙂