Jennifer Hillier

10 reasons why a writer’s life is NOT sexy

Jun 22, 2011 | Uncategorized

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When I was in Toronto last week, one of the guests at my best friend’s wedding very breathlessly said to me, “Oh, Jenny. Your life must be so glamorous! Being a writer… that’s so sexy!”

I laughed. HARD. Now in fairness, the woman had been enjoying the open bar all night, and perhaps she didn’t realize the hilarity of what she was saying. Because as we writers know, a writer’s life is so NOT sexy.

And here are 10 reasons why: 

10. You’re in pajamas all day. Which is fun, but not definitely not sexy (especially if the ones you’re wearing are ten years old, with holes and permanent stains).

9. You get food stuck in your teeth because you’re not paying attention to what you’re eating. Gummy bears are a particularly bad snack choice. Never mind the sugar – they make your smile unattractively colorful.

8. You make ugly faces as you write. If you write thrillers (like I do), your facial expressions will be of repulsion,  horror, and shock. All brow-furrowing and wrinkle-inducing.

7. Your eyes are bloodshot and buggy from staring at the computer screen for hours at a time.

6. Your breath is stale, thanks to the mugs of coffee you drink.

5. Your hands look like you tried to claw your way out of a well because you chew your nails obsessively as you re-read scenes. (It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again…)

4. Your hair is in a stringy ponytail or messy bun, if you’re a girl. If you’re a dude, it’s probably short and sticking up all over the place because you didn’t put anything in it.

3. And your hair smells, since you probably forgot to wash it.

2. You’re covered in spilled food and coffee stains, but you don’t bother to change, because you’re wearing pajamas anyway (see number 1).

1. You get intimate views of your cats’ butts as they try to entice you away from the computer to feed or play with them. Cats’ butts are not sexy. (And if you think they are, stop reading this blog immediately and go get help.)

Sadly, this is not far off from how I look any given day of the week. Name this movie!

Got anything else to add? 

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