I laughed. HARD. Now in fairness, the woman had been enjoying the open bar all night, and perhaps she didn’t realize the hilarity of what she was saying. Because as we writers know, a writer’s life is so NOT sexy.
And here are 10 reasons why:
10. You’re in pajamas all day. Which is fun, but not definitely not sexy (especially if the ones you’re wearing are ten years old, with holes and permanent stains).
9. You get food stuck in your teeth because you’re not paying attention to what you’re eating. Gummy bears are a particularly bad snack choice. Never mind the sugar – they make your smile unattractively colorful.
8. You make ugly faces as you write. If you write thrillers (like I do), your facial expressions will be of repulsion, horror, and shock. All brow-furrowing and wrinkle-inducing.
7. Your eyes are bloodshot and buggy from staring at the computer screen for hours at a time.
6. Your breath is stale, thanks to the mugs of coffee you drink.
5. Your hands look like you tried to claw your way out of a well because you chew your nails obsessively as you re-read scenes. (It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again…)
4. Your hair is in a stringy ponytail or messy bun, if you’re a girl. If you’re a dude, it’s probably short and sticking up all over the place because you didn’t put anything in it.
3. And your hair smells, since you probably forgot to wash it.
2. You’re covered in spilled food and coffee stains, but you don’t bother to change, because you’re wearing pajamas anyway (see number 1).
1. You get intimate views of your cats’ butts as they try to entice you away from the computer to feed or play with them. Cats’ butts are not sexy. (And if you think they are, stop reading this blog immediately and go get help.)
| Sadly, this is not far off from how I look any given day of the week. Name this movie! |
Got anything else to add?
You're saying you don't think Stephen King is sexy?
Mood puts the lotion in the basket
I luuuuuurve being able to wear pyjamas all day and pass it off as "necessary" for work. At times I'm glad I don't have a glamorous job, because it means I'm not stuck in heels all day.
On the other hand, I sometimes wish I didn't have to avoid the shower so much because it's my main source of inspiration (something I don't need right now). So. Yeah. I stink. Awkward.
Maybe people think if we WRITE sexy scenes, etc, we ourselves must be sexy? *shrugs* Either way, you should be flattered!
Great list, and all totally true!
And what is up with pets and their bums? My dog does the same thing, walks by, stops, and stares back, pointing her bum in my direction. If I'm on the couch, she walks in front of the TV and does the same thing, as if to say "I'm here! Let's play!" Crazy animals…
My word you are HILARIOUS!!! What a picture you pain! LOL!!
I'm trying to sexy up the writing life by making a nice writing space. Have we seen yours? If I remember correctly from the time the dog scared the crap out of you late at night you do have a dedicated space. Wow, how stalkery do I sound remembering anecdotes like we've *met* or something? Also, I have returned your tag (I wrote it on Friday so technically it was before yadda yadda) and it's going up today. I don't expect you to repeat the meme though!
Long comment is long. I must stop doing that.
Yeah, you basically covered them all! I'd elaborate on the hand one. We wind up with periodic carpal tunnel issues, having to move our hands to try to undo the kinks from hours of writing and revising. And blogging.
Silence of the Lambs (the movie)
I still think you're sexy … 😉
Great list Jenny!
Mel V.
(Why is blogger not letting me COMMENT damnit!)
Hilarious. The picture at the end kind of freaked me out… along with everything you've written. Though I know what happens because I do it every day (after my 8 hour work day) it sounds crazy on paper.
Eek. I think I'll let them think it's sexy.
Nope. No sexy here either.
Sexy is a four letter word. I don't think I've been sexy since 1995.
What's really attractive however, is when I have to pick up the baby from school and I didn't give myself enough time to change or brush my teeth before I left. And I wonder why none of the other mommies will talk to me.
OMG, I so look and feel like the girl in the picture some days. "Mister? Let me out of the hole." This whole thing is so not sexy.
How about the 'ever–widening ass' syndrome we get from keeping our butts in the chair? Not sexy.
Yeah. For dudes like me–forgot to shave day before yesterday and still haven't taken the time. A few days beard stubble is not sexy if it's as white as mine is getting, which increases monthly.
I'd like to add, "muttering to yourself like a crazy person"…something I tend to do a lot…definitely not sexy.
Fun post!
This list is strikingly similar to why being a mom is not sexy.
I'd love to be that unsexy when I write. Unfortunately, since I do it after work, I'm not allowed to write in pyjamas. Consider me jealous. Very jealous.
What? You don't sip champagne and sit at your desk in leopard skin tights and high heels like me? I don't even think about working on my novel until I've had a cucumber facial.
10. I have to disagree with. I can't wear pajamas all day because I have to get dressed and go work another job so I can actually pay my bills.
5. It puts the lotion on its skin (YouTube)
Too funny. Too true, but I can't comment on the cat stuff cuz I don't have a cat. And after the cat butt comment, I'm glad I don't have a cat.
Hey, I won an ARC of Creep! I'm so psyched to read your book!!!
Ugly faces + baggy eyes = me, all right.
Hilarious and so true!
I'm in my pj's right now! lol My husband just shakes his head. And my right hand is an eagle claw from hovering over the mouse all day.
I would add that I forget to eat lunch until about 3 p.m., I hate it when the phone or doorbell rings, and don't even think about dropping by unless you're invited. I might be in the middle of something really good. And…FB and Twitter need to stop luring me with those come-hither eyes.
Good stuff. Thanks. http://www.banterwithbeth.blogspot.com
Well, don't feel bad, Jenny. Except for the ponytail part, you've got me down pretty good.
I prefer to call it the "troubled soul" look. I'm going for eccentricity.
I'm putting paper over my mirrors right now since all of your points are true for me. That reminds me, I need to buy bigger hair clips for my bun. The cat butt was my favorite.
I write YA fantasy and still make those grotesque faces ;p So true about writers! I'll add walking like a hunchback from the hours of sitting at your desk. And honestly, I don't think I can write in anything but pajamas. As soon as I get home from work I run to my closet and put my pj's on. Then I'm ready to do some serious work.
OMG! Hillarious! I can attest to ALL of these! Especially the cat butt. Mine is always walking back and forth in front of the computer! And the dirty hair?!?! My friend always asks, did you shower today? And I can't tell you how many times the internet repair people have seen me in my pajamas! AWESOME!
You get food in your KEYBOARD. Not sexy. When you're too wrapped up in writing, you don't step away to eat your meals. If you do your writing on a laptop and it's on your lap…well, crumb city. Especially embarrassing when you have a problem and have to take your laptop in for servicing.
I'm with you on all of that apart from the pajamas and hair thing. Mainly because I don't have either.
Haaaaa haaaaa! You guys slay me.
Silence of the Lambs!!!!! "She puts the lotion on…"
I don't know about you but I am sexy as hell when I write. Squinty eyes, tangled pony tail, coffee dribbles and my pajamas are cast off boxer shorts and a torn Miller Light shirt (it's lucky). My man says I'm hot! He might just be trying to get me to come to bed though. He's lonely.lol
Ha ha! That's great! I don't have a cat though (son's allergic) But my bird does plant herself on my keyboard to try to stop me sometimes. 😀
Lol! You are my funny queen today. Cheers! :O) (by which I mean thanks, lol)
Totally agree with the list but would like to add:
The UPS guy is so scared of me that he now just opens the front door and sets the packages inside so he doesn't have to deal with me.
Great post!
♥Spot
Love this list. Writing for me is still confined to the ever-shrinking moments in between kids' and adults' bedtimes so most of this doesn't apply to me, but I can just imagine it if I were a full-time writer.
To #5 add RBI (repetitive blogging injury) after those hours on end when the muse refuses to call.
And I think I'm way past #4.
Silence of the Lambs=Awesomeness! Funny post. I do most of my writing at night because I work during the day so usually my coworkers are looking at my tired bloodshot, dark circled eyes and sometimes my hair smells because i am too lazy to wash it the morning after a long night of writing….so gross!
I think it's time to bring sexy back to writing. I'm wearing my stilettos and a push up bra with my pajamas tonight.
Creepiest movie ever! I thought my expressions while writing YA were bad–I'm glad I don't write horror! 🙂
Ah, how I wish I were a full-time writer. Alas, no pajamas for me! But the making faces at the screen one . . . yeah, I'm so that! 🙂
silence of the lambs?! yes.
and 10. oh yes.
7. oh yes.
4. oh yes.
and number one? story of my life. my cat is constantly trying to lay on my keyboard.
The movie is Silence of the Lambs.
I have a question…do you read thrillers or write your stuff at night? I can't read a scary book after dark.
hahahaha so funny! I can relate to most of those points… scary.
Hahahaha! Yup, that about covers it! 😀
Well I only write a financial blog, but I like to be dressed as I am at work so I can feel professional! Besides, I am 96.5% sure my smart phone can see me and wants to send out pictures via a synched gmail thing, scary!!!
You have your kid in the background being a real pill and begging for stuff while you're trying to put a scene together. Doesn't help. Ever.
Thanks for the list! It's great and oh so true!
Ha! I love hearing that other people wear their pajamas all day. Always makes me feel better 🙂
Oh good, I thought it was Silence of the Lambs, and I see that I'm right. Haven't seen it in a very long time…
I bet you'll feel a little sexy on July 5th (maybe a lot sexy!). Hopefully you have some plans involving not wearing pajamas, and lots of wine!
Hilarious! So true!