It might appear as if I’m not really afraid of serial killers, since I did name my blog “The Serial Killer Files”, after all. Mind you, I’m sure I’d be terrified if I was about to be murdered by an actual serial killer, but since they sort of exist (for me) in that fictional place in my head where stories are born, it’s hard to be scared of them in any way that matters on a day-to-day basis.
However, I have plenty of other fears. Here’s a list of my Top 10 phobias. They’re strange. Don’t laugh.
Yes, I know. What kind of freak is afraid of balloons? Me! I don’t like the way they expand to a size larger than your head after starting out as something so small. I don’t like that rubbery sound they make when you rub them together. And I definitely don’t like it when they pop.
9. Thunder and lightning
I love the rain, and I love storms. But since I’ve been pretty lucky in my life so far, I think it’s reasonable to expect that I might just get struck by lightning one of these days. And the sound of thunder makes me want to tuck my tail between my legs and crawl under the bed.
Toronto’s CN Tower (pictured here) is 1,815 feet tall. I’ve visited the CN Tower a few times in my life (always when I was playing tour guide), but I’ve never stood near the window, and I never will. Just too damn scary. It’s a long way down.
7. See-through staircases
I’m sure this is related to my phobia of heights, but I cannot climb up or down a staircase if I can see through it! I get vertigo. I feel like I’m going to pass out. Ridiculous, I know.
This is The Behemoth from Canada’s Wonderland. I’ve stood at the bottom of this nightmare and watched as my nephews went on it. All I could imagine is their tiny little pre-pubescent bodies flying through the air. I understand that people love the adrenaline rush of a rollercoaster – I’ll just never be one of them.
5. Garden slugs
I don’t even think I realized these freakish creatures existed until I moved to the Northwest. In Toronto, when it rains, we get earthworms. Here, we get slugs. And slugs are way more disgusting than earthworms! They’re black and moist and have little antennas and… ew. I’m getting creeped out just writing this.
4. Lit matches
I’ve never in my life lit a match. I’ve tried. I just can’t. It scares me. Someday I hope to harness the power of fire, but until then, I’ll let someone else do it.
What’s worse than garden slugs? Millipedes! They’re practically slugs, but with a thousand freaky little legs. Ew. Again, creeping myself out just by writing this.
2. Porcelain dolls
I can’t even watch those Shopping Channel shows where they sell porcelain dolls. I’m convinced a demon lives inside each one. I do not understand the appeal. They look like dead little girls to me.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve read Stephen King’s IT one too many times, but those bulbous noses and white faces and smeary lipstick and tufty hair all scare the shit out of me.
What are your phobias? And please say you have some… don’t leave me alone in my freakishness!