Mom: So what did you buy at Powell’s?
Me: I bought sixteen books. Cost me less than sixty dollars. Good deal, huh?
Mom: You bought used? Tsk tsk.
Me: I know, you’re right, I should have bought new. It supports the author better. But some of these books are out of print and they’re not available new.
Mom: Never mind that. You shouldn’t buy used books because you don’t know where they’ve been.
Me: And where’s that?
Mom: On the bathroom floor. Where there’s pee. People read on the toilet all the time. So these books have all been in the hands of people who’ve just wiped their butts.
Me: Wow. That’s like, unbelievably gross, Mom.
Mom: If you read them, don’t rub your eyes afterward. You’ll get pink eye.
Me: Gross! Maybe I’ll just throw them away then.
Mom: You never throw away books! Tsk tsk! Just give them to your friends.
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