You won’t understand these if you haven’t seen the movie. But if you have seen the movie, and have seen it about fifty times (like me), these will make you smile. Read them out loud. You know you want to.
Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Vizzini: Am I going mad, or did the word think escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.
Inigo Montoya: I agree with Fezzik.
Vizzini: Oh, the sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her. And remember this, never forget this: when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn’t buy brandy!
(turns to Fezzik)
Vizzini: And you! Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed… in Greenland?
Vizzini: Finish him. Finish him, your way.
Fezzik: Oh good, my way. Thank you, Vizzini. (pause) What’s my way?
Vizzini: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder. In a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock!
Fezzik: My way’s not very sportsman-like.
Inigo: Where did we put that wheelbarrow the albino had?
Fezzik: Over the albino, I think.
Vizzini: He didn’t fall? Inconceivable!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Old Hag: Your true love lives. And you marry another. True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that’s what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo! Boo!
Count Rugen: As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that’s all this is, except that instead of sucking water, I’m sucking life. I’ve just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don’t know what that would do to you. So, let’s just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel?
Count Rugen: Interesting.
Inigo Montoya: He’s dead. He can’t talk.
Miracle Max: Woo hoo hoo, look who knows so much! It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What’s that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well-known is this: Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
Westley: Wrong. Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing?”, will echo in your perfect ears. That is what “to the pain” means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Prince Humperdinck: I think you’re bluffing.
Westley: It’s possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again, perhaps I have the strength after all.
(stands up slowly)
Westley: Drop. Your. Sword.
What are your favorite Princess Bride quotes?
Come on, I know you have ’em!